Liberal Cowboy

water with lime is on my mind. the pain of yesterday is clearly vague. the pain inside comes over me sometimes. but i press on. too many projects on mind to get me out of the dungeon of my soul.

i have loved and i have lost. i have faith and i have a soul.

i made some dumb choices this week in regards to dealing with people. i dont regret it so much as i just wish i hadn’t have said some painful words.

i miss having peopel close to me. people i can touch and feel and breath with.

i miss the smell of her hair. the look in her eyes as we fall asleep. i know this doesn’t make sense to you. but its all thats worth hanging on to anymore. the memories of yesterday….

sometimes life doesn’t work out the way you want. and other times it does. i am a very fortunate human being. just when i think i am losing a friend i gain another.

a lot of people on mind tonight:

kat,brent,jen,eva,laura,james,and mystery

 i got a lot of good quality writting done today. it was healthy. i hope i have an amazing week. i need it.

I believe that making good decisions is part of being successful. But being true to yourself is more important.

Tommorow marks the beginning of making tough decisions. Hopefully one that will lead me down a good path. One that will make a difference in my life. So far this holiday season has brought a lot of separation between me and friends, and who i need to be.

But i feel momentum in building new friendships, and building a new life for who i want to be. not just words on page but a true inspiration to others.

i may be a true mystery to myself. and to others. that is way it goes. i am a mystery to myself too.

do you ever have dreams you can’t reach because you can’t stand up enough to reach them.

do you ever have places you can’t go because people say that you can’t

do you ever have loves you can’t love because they won’t let you.

do you ever have pieces of you running around out there because they won’t come back.

i do.

I have spent a great deal of time living amongst and with the Amish in Montana. There are a lot of people there I love, and miss. It was a life changing experience over and over for almost 3 years. One of my favorite things about them is there cooking. One of the recipes I have gleamed over the the years is there Amish Peanut Butter Spread. Here is my version. And yes I did work in this bakery.

Amish Peanut Butter Spread

Ingredients

3/4 c creamy peanut butter
1/4 c marshmallow creme
1/2 c maple syrup

Instructions

In a mixing bowl, stir all the ingredients together till combined. Place
in a covered container. Store in refrigerator. Bring to room temperature
to serve as a bread spread or ice cream topper. Makes about 1 1/2 cups.

have you ever been in love with a mystery? have you ever been in love with someone who could never love you back?

have you ever wished for a moment you could strip away the distractions, strip away all the differences, all the things that separate the two of us from walking hand in hand.

i used to walk down nicodemus trail late at night and wish to be together but knowing all along that we speak different languages, have different heartbeats, come from different worlds, i knew this and yet i stayed there waiting, hoping that something would change your mind. that you would hold my hand and tell me to take you away from there. away from nicodemus trail.

alas you never did, but i left that trail and here i am. all alone in a place as foreign as Paris. what are you doing? who will love you more than me? probably no one. but then again. maybe there is someone out there who will love me as much as i used to love you.

in the end you will never know because i never invited you out loud, and the only moment i will cherish is the one when we road our bicycles along the road that evening as the sun went down.

that i will never forget.

Do you ever wonder why there are people who are truly alive and God decides to take them away from us, and then there are people who are the walking dead, and dying more every day and yet they remain unwanted?

 if anything life has taught me you have to be who you are. live life to the fullest even if you are dying inside because its better to be the walking dead than to not be living anymore.

 Yet those who have gone on ahead rest in peace on the other side.

do you ever talk to someone and it brings back a flood of memories. some painful some good. either way it puts you in a different place than you were a few minutes before?

that’s tonight. i sit here in front of this f*ing screen wondering what could have been, and what will come. Do you ever wonder if the road you have traveled down is the right one?

 how will you know until you get to where you belong?

 is intelligent design really stupid, or have i bought into something i shouldn’t believe.

 either way. life is as life is. and happiness is derived from the peace we create within our hearts. that’s the story of tonight. that’s the story of tommorow and the next day and forever. goodnight.

life has be slowing again shortly. its just to busy. roomate problems drive me nuts. i am working on a project to network loosely a few blogs in a particular niche. it ought to be an interesting project. we will see. i have also been studying building highly effective niche content sites. boring i know. but thats me.

Do you ever have days you wake up and want to go back to sleep for a week. Today is that day. I feel shitty. OMG. What’s wrong with me. I got like 10 hours of sleep. Maybe thats the fucking problem.